Once I Make It, Everything Will Change
I’ll take a break after I reach that milestone. Until then, nose to the grindstone.
This is part of the Myths of Momentum series, where we’re looking at what we’ve been told success should look and feel like. We often imagine that success should come easy, happen quickly, and be fun.
You might have thought to yourself...
After I reach this next milestone, then I'll take a vacation.
Once this launch is over, I can slow down and rest.
When I get things to the next level, then I'll take better care of myself.
Then I'll stop shortchanging my sleep, eating convenience foods, and skipping exercise.
But it's only when we prioritize our well-being that we can build and more importantly sustain momentum in our businesses and lives.
Another Momentum Myth
We think everything will change once we reach whatever goal or vision of success we hold. Once we get there, we’ll be happy.
This is called the “Arrival Fallacy”, a term coined by Tal Ben-Shahar, who has a PhD from Harvard University in Organizational Behavior.
We'll finally feel fulfilled, make time for friends and family, or do that thing we really want to do.
But with the arrival fallacy, when we reach our external goals, we’re often left feeling disappointed.
Many of us want to build momentum toward something.
It could be a business goal, like creating a business that supports you abundantly.
It might be a publishing goal, like getting a book onto digital shelves or writing a newsletter consistently.
It could be a habit goal, like running regularly, meditating daily, or cooking more often at home.
These are all amazing goals.
Everything Will Change
The part where we humans tend to get stuck is when we think that once we get momentum and reach that goal... everything will change.
We think that once we build a business that supports us financially, then we'll be a whole different person.
But spoiler alert: no matter what circumstances change, you’re still you.
The same goes for any creative pursuit or habit change.
We imagine that it will become easier for us to do other things that we've been putting off in the pursuit of this goal.
Often we sacrifice things like sleep, relationships, healthy food, time for hobbies, and exercise.
There is a certain amount of focus required to build momentum toward your goals…
But not to the point that it causes you issues down the line.
These types of issues might not be obvious in the moment, and we always think that we'll be able to undo any damage quickly once we reach our destination.
Say you decide that you'll push through toward a big launch for your next online course.
You work long days, skip exercise, push all social events back, and eat whatever's at hand.
Sure, you could do that for a few weeks. But if you get into a pattern of operating like that consistently, because your goalposts are always moving, then you're in trouble.
The Goal Posts Keep Moving
That's the thing with us: our goals are never static.
If we launch one course and it goes well, we decide we should do it again. Then one course isn't enough, we also want to run a membership site.
Before you know it, you've trained yourself never to rest or slow down.
How do I know? Because I operated like this in my business for many years.
I've got a competitive side and that keeps me pushing for more, better numbers, you know the drill.
Now I've learned that doesn't work long term. It's a recipe for burnout.
It would have been easy to keep pushing on the business front, but I fell in love with gardening and tree planting as a hobby.
This hobby was so nourishing that it inspired us to move to our small farm, and now we also raise dairy sheep, chickens, ducks, and geese.
This wasn’t a “logical” move, but it has helped balance out all of the workaholic tendencies that both my husband and I developed over the past decade of running our business AccessAlly.
External status vs. daily actions
It’s not the milestone or the goal that makes you who you are. It’s what you do every day, along the way toward whatever goal you’re after.
The degree you earn isn’t what makes you a professional. It’s all of the work you put in along the way.
The revenue milestones or the number of podcast downloads aren’t what make you successful.
It’s all of the small actions you took to get there.
Even if you never get to the exact goal you set, you’re still a winner for having taken all of these small steps.
Those are the things that change you for the better, and focusing on the incremental progress you’re making is what brings motivation and happiness.
What if rest was part of building momentum?
These days I try to build rest into the momentum itself.
Because I know that if I reach a point where I don't want to even look at my goals anymore, then I'm fried. I let the overwhelm and the burnout get to me.
Instead, I try to live my life the way that I want to live “after” I reach whatever goal I set out for myself. Starting right now.
Sure, there are practical things that might not be doable in all cases.
But for the most part, we get to decide how well we take care of our needs while we build momentum.
That includes desires, too. If you desire more creativity, you can weave that in. If you desire more play or more time with friends or family, you can make it happen.
It's much easier to prevent health issues and burnout than it is to try to fix them later.
So the big takeaway:
Goals don’t change you.
You are who you are, whether you're in that flow state and you reach those goals or not.
So you might as well be who you want to be along the way, too.
Have You Experienced This?
I'd love to know what things you put off for that point in time when you've reached your goals.
What little things can you do right now along the way that would make you feel like you've already arrived?
That's one powerful way to keep your momentum going, and it's likely to keep you more excited to keep showing up too!
About Nathalie & The Momentum Memo
Nathalie Lussier is the founder of AccessAlly, a WordPress LMS plugin company for course creators, membership site owners, and community builders who want to scale on their terms.
In The Momentum Memo and Off The Charts podcast she shares her journey of running a tech business, being a regenerative farmer, and raising young kids.
Oh this is so true. Thank you for putting this into words. I’ve always called it the ‘I’ll be happy when’ pattern but not heard of it described as “the arrival fallacy”... what an helpful term.
It took me sooooo long to figure out that sacrificing my health for my business was a very poor decision. Whatever I created was never enough to plug the gap so I kept on sacrificing until I fell over. Now rest and well-being is the priority - the foundation for everything I create.
(Our backyard garden and chickens remind me about our connection to the earth... now if only we had space for goats 😂)
Oh my goodness. This is me all. the. time.
I have all of these "when I reach X goal, I will do this" items on an arbitrary list.
But constant growth is not healthy, nor is it available to us.